i’m a physically affectionate person. i hug, kiss, touch, pet, pat, squeeze, bite, lick, stroke, cuddle people i like. i tell people i’m a hugger. i hug just about anybody who wants a hug (whether they realize it or not) and once in a while i miscalculate and hug somebody who doesn’t want one. but more than a hugger, i’m a kisser. i don’t kiss just anyone, but i kiss quite a few. if i instantly like you, i might introduce myself with my lips pressed against yours before telling you my name. (i can telepathically hear some of you wondering why i didn’t introduce myself to you in that manner. in your case, assume that i wanted to and propriety or circumstance held the impulse in check.) i used to kiss more people more often. i kiss fewer people and kiss people less frequently lately, because i’ve been hanging around more straight people than usual. honky tonks and dancehalls are filled with heteros. heteros don’t really “get” me. (i can telepathically hear some of you laughing…and i hope you weren’t drinking something while reading this post, because coffee or diet coke through the nose hurts.)
saturday night girlfriend and i were dancing in a very straight dive bar. after the band finished their gig, girlfriend engaged in a conversation with the bass player that led to an explanation of the sexual orientation spectrum and where she and i fit within it. he claimed to appreciate the expansion of perspective, because he couldn’t figure out which one of us was the “masculine” one. continuing from there, it is relevant to point out that i prefer equal, balanced, open relationships. i like femme-femme girls and pretty boys and queers in every variety and dancing faeries and playful pixies and mermaid sea goddesses and magical wizards and i kiss them all. straight people…i don’t kiss often, because straight people tend to place kissing in the sex category. in queerdom, kissing is easily, simply, likely perceived as a sweeter way to say hello or goodbye.
i have a new straight friend who accused me of using “straight” or “hetero” with a derogatory tone. because he is an intelligent person i respect, i’ve considered his accusation to see if it might be true. regarding kissing, it is true. i resent that i can’t kiss heteros without the kiss being perceived as a sexual invitation. i’ve learned to especially avoid kissing heteros who are in committed monogamous relationships, which may sound obvious to those of you in that situation, but was a unique minor revelation for me. i am accustomed to kissing my friends and their monogamous partners without any misunderstanding of what that kiss means. however, in hetero-land, if i kiss a partnered someone, wives and girlfriends get fist-clenchy panty-ruffled while husbands and boyfriends get a woody ~ it is a bad scene in either version.
i’m venting because i miss kissing. i kiss my wife. i kiss my girlfriend. i kiss the men i live with. i kiss every friend i have…except the straight ones. recently, most of my new friends are straight…which means i haven’t kissed them…which makes me miss kissing more.