there’s a girl…(and so begins every new love story). i don’t want there to be a new girl, since i’m not two weeks past the last one. i don’t want a girlfriend. i don’t want to be anyone’s girlfriend. i knew that even while i had/was a girlfriend for far too long recently. since i’ve been back to town and out a few times, people ask me about the ex-girlfriend, i reply that we’ve broken up, they immediately offer condolences and seem confused by my smiling response: “it’s a GOOD thing!” it is a very good thing for me to be girlfriend-less, since i don’t want one and i don’t want to be one, which is why this new girl conflicts and contradicts my story: she captivates me. she’s a taller, leaner, more elusive, more mysterious, more intriguing angel than i am. i want to know her, touch her, kiss her lightly on the neck’s secret spot…and in the next heartbeat…i want to take two steps back, soak her beauty through my skin, imprint her spinning grace in the middle room between my heart and mind, and walk away.
there’s a new girl…and she doesn’t know how i feel about her. i don’t plan on telling her. i don’t intend to pursue her. but my heart is patient and persistent. my heart will wait, pause, sit still, hold its breath, count to ten, count to twenty, count to two thousand until my mind quiets and forgets what i don’t want and follows what it has already determined is the next girl.
there has always been a next girl for me. i smile at this thought, heartfully embrace the spirit of this girl, and wait until i’m ready.