confession: i listen to a single song on repeat for days (and weeks). the song i’ve been listening to this week reminds me of someone specific, someone i hadn’t seen in a mighty long year, someone i saw unexpectedly last night, someone who looks and feels much differently than i remembered. he is better-looking, taller, and more charming in memory than real life. i hate it when that happens. listening to the same song today, i try to match the song to someone else so that i can continue to enjoy it in the same way.
confession: if i could, i’d wave my magic wand and make all the crazy disappear–yours and mine and hers and his.
confession: i like my friends’ cats more than mine.
confession: i miss the ex i’m not supposed to miss, the one i swear i’m grateful is gone. i am grateful, but i still miss him. i thought about driving past his house last night. i didn’t. i haven’t returned to that neighborhood since the last time i saw him, nearly two years ago. he’s a drunk. he’s a selfish scared little boy in an adonis body, cowering behind lying eyes and a giantly over-developed jaw from heaving too much weight when he works out. yeah, i miss him, hate that i miss him, try to convince myself i don’t, and usually believe that i don’t.
confession: after it happened, i noted to myself that i said something i shouldn’t have to someone i shouldn’t have last friday night. tequila loose lips let fly uncensored thoughts that could have been presented more tactfully. i’m sorry i said it to her in that manner, that i didn’t anticipate her sensitivity and consider the possibility that she might perceive an insult where a compliment had been intended. she’s younger than i am and doesn’t know yet that nobody else’s opinion matters. she hasn’t yet recognized her power to choose her reaction. i know that my opinion of her doesn’t matter and i know it isn’t worth her offense or my guilt over saying it.
confession: too often, i drink three shots to make other people appear more interesting or social situations more tolerable. i’d be happier, healthier, and more content staying home alone. i’m certain i’ve confessed this before, but my application of this self-awareness rates a poor score.