confession: in 2009 i went from devoted co-parenthood for the son birthed by my wife to a soul-withering hopelessness triggered by our escalating eating disordered madness which resulted in our estrangement. i entered 2010 in a rebound relationship with a girlfriend whom i didn’t resonate. i was hugely relieved when that relationship ended in july. as the year’s end rapidly approaches, the gifts of 2010 are three new friends-as-family, increasing physical and emotional health, and a slow-growing hope that my wife and i will find a new form for our relationship that honors who we are now and future possibilities. in honor of that hope, my wife and i have a date on saturday night. i am equal parts scared and excited, hopeful and wary of expectations.
confession: my body craves lean protein and fresh vegetables, but i feed it crackers, fiber bars, and peanut butter sandwiches because they are simplest, easiest, and least time-consuming. the queen of green beans left a batch on my doorstep on sunday afternoon. these green beans have been the highlight of my past three and a half days. i finished them for breakfast this morning. happiness resides in the little things; for me, happiness leaps from green beans.
confession: i could do better. i could eat better. i could do more. i could be more. my frustration and guilt for being and doing less drains my energy to do more. first thing first – release guilt and accept who i am and what i do. second thing next – do more and be better.
confession: i hold grudges more than i like to believe. my grudge-holding looks like withholding myself from the person who i believe hurt me. thing is, i only give people i deeply care about the power to hurt me, and if i isolate myself from them, then i hurt more and for longer. if you were in the room with me, you’d see me waving my imaginary magic wish-granting wand guaranteeing instant forgiveness and an end to grudge-holding.
confession: i can telepathically hear your confessions…the ones you don’t type. stop shaming yourselves and start accepting yourselves. if you typed them (in the comment section or to me privately), emptying them from your brain onto the screen, you’d see they aren’t as dreadful as you believe and the feelings might shift without another thought or action. you could try it. 😉