hokey pokey

life may be meaningless. it might be. i’ve often felt that it is. (feelings often lie.) but, if i believe life is meaningless, i can’t get out of bed. if i want to get out of bed, i have to believe that i can make my life meaningful, even if life is not inherently meaningful. how do i do this?
honestly, some days i don’t. some days i stay in bed. but today i got out of bed. i got out of bed because i have an ingrown toenail that is painfully infected and i’m afraid of getting a staph infection and dying from it before i have the opportunity to spend another new year’s eve in paris doing the hokey pokey in the courtyard in front of the notre dame with people from all over the world. i wanted my toe to stop hurting. this is the real reason i got out of bed. once i was upright and had addressed the toenail, i figured i might as well eat cereal and drink generic diet cola. as long as i was upright, fed, and had popped the top on another can of diet cola, i decided to turn on the computer, sit down, and write. i wrote hundreds of words that felt meaningless. (feelings often lie.) i deleted them. then i sat here to write what might be meaningless words for you to read. i don’t know why you come here to read them, but i know why i write them. i write them because even if life is meaningless, i have to make my life meaningful, and once in a while i can loop words together that connect my heart with the Heart That Holds Everything. once in a while words help me integrate my experience and weave a blanket of peace that comforts me. i feel less broken and more whole when i understand the thoughts, feelings, and beliefs jagging along inside me, outside me, beyond me. even if life is meaningless, i want to be whole. i want to heal what is broken and what hurts. i want to avoid staph infection. i want to do the hokey pokey and turn myself around. i want to sing and dance and clap my hands and laugh and smile with people from all over the world. today the hokey pokey is what it’s all about.

About angel joy

love is an action verb. i live love in action.
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3 Responses to hokey pokey

  1. stacy says:

    tea tree oil diluted in very warm water. soak the foot…presto…okay not presto change-o but effective just the same.

    i look for meaning everywhere. i find it. i’ve been repeating to kenzie lately “everything matters.” we see this in the change of the trees, the way we treat others and our pets, the change we put in the red pot after ringing the bell. i’ve also been stressing this about how much we consume and use. every napkin is one more to have to make room for in a landfill etc.

    we are made of matter and we (and all that is,) matters.

    i come here and read because i want to hear an authentic voice in a maelstrom of fakeness. thank you for honesty, for raw emotion, for sharing yourself.

  2. Teresa says:

    “Anything you’re good at contributes to happiness.”
    ― Bertrand Russell

    You are an amazing writer, friend, sister-cousin, love. You contribute to a lot of people’s happiness including mine and I don’t say it enough, but thank you! Thank you for your love and support and being gentle when you need to and a hard ass when you need to. I don’t want you to die from a staph infection either, so I am especially happy that you got out of bed this morning. 🙂

    I have often thought about the meaning of life and I got nothin’, but that makes me tired anyway. Living in the moment is where it is at. You already know that though, don’t you. 😉

    Love you TONS!!!
    MUAH! 🙂

  3. The sleepless person is now thinking that life is the avoidance of pain (toes) though I think it would be better to think that life is the pursuit of joy. Or hokey. Or pokey.

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