last night i met a beauty wearing a very short and sexy red skirt sitting at the bar for a drink. luckily, i didn’t notice the skirt’s lack of length and surplus of sexy until more than an hour later when i was walking behind her. had i known about the skirt’s short-sassy-sexiness while we were talking, i wouldn’t have been as attentive to what she was saying. sex distracts me. i assume that sex distracts most people, but that may not be true. many of our assumptions aren’t true. we assume anyway. more dangerous, we often believe our assumptions without questioning them.
only within the past year have i revised a core guiding principle based on an assumption that everyone has depth of character. because i assumed everyone was deep, even if depth wasn’t demonstrated, i believed that people would reveal their depth if given time, loving attention, and acceptance. guess what? it was an incorrect assumption. guess what else? because i believed it, i couldn’t see the truth about people lacking depth, which became problematic in intimate relationships with people who were shallow.
since that recently revised assumption of mine, i’ve made a greater effort to question assumptions i’ve taken for granted as true. it is difficult to spot these assumptions-posing-as-truth-and-held-as-belief, since some were integrated decades ago. for example, i assume i’m a good listener. what if that isn’t true? truth is, i interrupt people when i get excited about something they’ve said and i want to interject. interrupting isn’t good listening. how would i perceive myself and the world differently if i dropped the assumption that i’m a good listener? likely, i’d make a focused effort to listen better, and thereby become the good listener i’ve assumed and believed i am but am not (or at least i’d be better if i didn’t interrupt).
your turn. what assumptions do you believe that aren’t true? if you can’t think of any, then think harder, because everybody makes assumptions and they aren’t all correct.

About angel joy

love is an action verb. i live love in action.
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3 Responses to assuming

  1. hunter says:

    I’m glad that you have learned that not everyone has “depth of character” There are legions of people who don’t! And I’m not talking about just dept of character. I’m talking about those w/o depth at all. The dance halls are full of them. In there, (the dance halls)they can get away with their “Johnny Walker wisdom gab. I’m glad I have become half deaf. I can use that as an excuse to excuse myself from their vacuous
    I’m not a good listener either. But if you interrupt during a conversation (especially if you’re excited), and ask a question, that’s the epidome of flattery in my opinion.
    My assumption that i must overcome is a sense of not belonging. To any body I guess. My two ex’s, my last two relationships. It’s yukky!
    You listen well. Especially with your eyes.

  2. anisum says:

    I assume I listen semi-well, because I’m aware of how much I like to talk, I’m very conscious about creating space and listening. I assume that when I do talk alot, people are thinking “god, what a selfish, attention-seeking loser. When is she going to shut up?” Perhaps people never think this, or very rarely think this. But when I think they are thinking this, I feel like a selfish, attention-seeking loser.

    Since we are talking about assumptions, I think I might point out your assumption that interrupting=bad listening. I think it depends on the person and the context. Sometimes people feel heard because you are so excited by what they said you have interject. Some people think interrupting is normal part of conversation, and enjoy the energy it brings. I think it depends on the person and the context.

    I think in everyday life I find boobs more distracting than sex. Boobs aren’t sex. They are boobs. And they are distracting.

  3. Tamika says:

    I’m thinking harder on this one. I’m a sleepy diva tonight. hehe

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