confessions of chicken fried chicken

confession: it is the ex-whose-betrayal-obliterated-my-heart’s 35th birthday today. i almost texted him after midnight but didn’t. i emailed him on monday. most likely he deleted the email without reading it. i’m at peace with that likelihood because i wrote it as much for me (more?) than for him. i can’t help but remember birthdays, it is a mental tic of mine. i don’t miss him. i don’t even like him, but i’ll always love him.
confession: since friday night in particular, i’ve taken many deep breaths and pauses to appreciate beauty, savor what is, and relish new possibilities. i use every deep breath as an opportunity to open my heart wider. it works. try it.
confession: i ate several bites of chicken fried chicken yesterday. wow-whee-woo it is GOOD not being eating disordered on the days i can manage that feat.
confession: the colors of my soul are the blue hues of the caribbean. the weather of my soul is gentle spring rain that prompts the buds on cherry blossom trees. the temperature of my soul is 68 degrees. wear a light waterproof jacket when you visit my wet blue soul.
confession: when i’m drunk, i want to crawl into the nearest lap. i love sitting in people’s laps. when i’m sober, i sometimes want to crawl into the nearest lap. there are a few laps where i’m always welcome. i wish there were more.
confession: i’m waiting for something inside to break. it won’t. i’m stronger.
confession: i have books to write. i ought to get busy.
confession: this week i’ve been “retired” rather than working. i like being retired, but as i’ve already confessed, i have books to write, and i ought to get busy.
confession: i love you. for real.

About angel joy

love is an action verb. i live love in action.
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5 Responses to confessions of chicken fried chicken

  1. stacy says:

    i love you for real.

    my confessions feel futile so i’m keeping them inside.

    we are almost certainly adding a member to our family. she makes me feel tiny. i’ll send you a pic.

  2. Unsinkable says:

    Confession: Last night is one of the most fun days I’ve had in Austin since moving here. I ended my night feeling giddy,blissful, loved and blessed!

    Confession: I’m between a rock and a hard place right now. I keep telling myself all I need is a distraction. Ask and you shall receive. Whoa. My mind has been completely blown this week.

    Confession: My other crush continues to confuse me. They aren’t very considerate which is getting on my last nerve. I think they need some therapy.

    Confession: I’m certain I could use more therapy. The relationship with my therapist in the mid 2000’s was to date the best and most healthy relationship I’ve ever had. I miss her and wish we could talk for hours like we used to.

    Confession: I’m going to try to mass produce yummy baked goods for all those I love. It just happens to be around Valentine’s Day. I like baking for people. Baking is something that is newer to me.

    Confession: I really want to have more plants in my house. I really want to have a beautiful garden this Summer. I also want to escape Austin this Summer. Those plans are in the works.

  3. anisum says:

    Pre-confession: I love love love people sitting in my lap. You are always welcome to sit in my lap, especially when you’re sober. I’ll cradle you like a baby and put a pillow behind your head so you can completely relax, cry, sleep, purr etc.

    confession: I’ve had a head ache every day I’ve been to work for a week. I know the technical reason- I have neck problems, I’ve seen the x-rays and it shows. My Dr. is helping me fix them. However, it isn’t lost on me that I don’t have a headache at home. I just have it work.

    confession: I feel like I might just lose my mind if I can’t quit my job and work on my passion everyday. Really. Whenever I feel particularly frustrated, like I might lose my mind, I get this image of me putting a revolver to my right temple and pulling the trigger. I don’t actually want to put a revolver to my right temple, but this involuntary mental image does a good job expressing exactly how I feel. Interestingly, my headaches have an added bonus of producing a stabbing pain in my right temple. Dammit.

    confession: Of my closest friends, I know no one who is working in a job that really uses their skills and passions. I feel like I’m on the brink of moving from a world where I don’t live up to my calling and into a world where I do. Yet, the greatest source of anxiety in my life right now, is wondering “with so many people in the world, unhappy, not answering their calling, why in the world should I be able to?”

    confession: In the past few years I have only prayed but once or twice a year and it’s usually for someone I love to be able to get over the odds and find peace. Now I find myself praying every single day for me: “please please please help me make my dreams come true.”

    confession: I’m so bored with this subject of confession- work, dreams etc etc. I wish it would just get it over with already.

  4. pixie sister says:

    confession: sometimes i despise thinking that everything happens for a reason. i’m super upset that the art piece was lost and i don’t want there to be a reason behind it. i don’t want to learn a lesson. i just want the damn piece in your hands.

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