it was a long time coming and it hasn’t yet arrived. but it is closer. closer. i can feel it now when i couldn’t before. it thumps like a horse’s hoofbeats echoing in a canyon, or how i imagine that to feel, sound, vibrate. horses are bigger than most people think, bigger and stronger than i am, than you are, than you believed your big strong scary dad was when you where young. horses are harder to bend to your will than the broken ones at the state fair, on the dude ranch where you went to church camp that summer when you were 13, beneath mounted police officers at the edge of a parade. the fact that training them is called “breaking” them describes why i’m afraid to ride them. i believe brokenness can be healed and brokenness can break others and brokenness hurts in ways visibly seen and unseen and i’ve had a broken horse get spooked, buck me off, and run faster than i was ready to ride. 
     a horse is bigger and stronger than i and what is broken can be healed. i do not want to break or ride another. i want to run as fast and far as my legs can propel me. i’ll race a horse rather than ride it and we will both win, even if the horse arrives ahead of me. it is coming closer now. closer. i can feel the echoing hoofbeats in the distance. i’ll wait a little while longer before i run to meet it.


About angel joy

love is an action verb. i live love in action.
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One Response to hoofbeats

  1. complete says:

    yes yes yes…hence the reason i love the wrangler at the equestrian center who looks at his relationship with the horses as that of a team. he is the boss, much like a parent, but he listens and honors the horses, their individual personalities, their comfort and limitations, skills and talents. i learn to be a better parent every time i watch him work with his colt that he has in training. he builds trust and doesn’t break the spirit.
    horses are raw power. a relationship with them is a risk, whether i am on the ground or on their back. trust and control are both issues i need work with and they help me in my healing. i am listening to the reverberation of the hoofbeats with you. i love you…

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