confessions before paris

confession: i have mango lips. i’ve eaten four mangoes in the past two days, and i’m allergic to mangoes. my lips are swollen red-rimmed burning stinging fish lips. i knew this would happen. i ate mangoes anyway. i love mangoes and it has been two years since i’ve eaten one (or four). stinging, burning, swollen fish lips aren’t reason enough not to eat mangoes.
confession: 22-year-old bi-curious girl at the lezzie club on saturday night. (partial confession will suffice here. use your imagination. extra ironic considering a confession from two weeks ago.)
confession: there are too many places i want to go on monday and wednesday nights and not enough places i want to go on tuesdays.
confession: in the spirit of my new year claimed last week, i’m making new choices, spending time with different people, going to new places, reading different books. it is new. new is good. new is bright and shiny and promising.
confession: i had an encounter on saturday night that i handled well enough but didn’t communicate effectively. my meaning wasn’t conveyed by the words i spoke. i said, “we’re okay.” i meant “i have no negative or unresolved feelings toward you. i don’t trust you, and therefore we are not going to be friends. i can smile at you or ignore you, it makes no difference to me, because you are irrelevant to me.” it was easier to say “we’re okay” because i am at peace with this person and our current situation. but her definition of “okay” means something else, which makes my meaning misunderstood. in retrospect, i wish i would have clarified her confusion.
confession: i told the truth, or rather i wrote it. i sent it. it was read. and now it is done. i can’t take it back. i don’t need or want to, but it feels unfamiliar for someone to know this truth that had been a secret.
confession: i am “too much” for most people. i over-angel-loved a new friend this week. either he’ll make more room in his heart to embrace the love i’ve beamed in his direction and hang around me long enough to develop a context for me and the ways i love or he’ll run. i’m okay either way. i’m always okay.
confession: i’m meeting one of my favorite people in the world in my favorite city in the world to celebrate that this long life is only beginning. i depart for paris tomorrow morning. i’ll be offline for a week. see you next wednesday.

About angel joy

love is an action verb. i live love in action.
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