i made a few new friends earlier this year, and as i gander at my world’s landscape, these new friends are nowhere to be found. i was talking to one of these missing new friends in my head last night as i drove home after magically community craft-making earlier and sweaty honkytonk dancing later and sober bar-sitting much much later where i was learning and loving (which is easier to do at some bars than others). as i was imagining a conversation with my new missing friend, i heard myself ramble about who and how i am and how my life is changing and how my response to those changes is changing me and what i truly want now and how i intend to create it. and then i missed him, because i won’t be replaying this conversation in real life while he is sitting next to or across from me and i won’t hear his reciprocal response about his who’s and how’s and changes and wants and intentions, because he isn’t in my life anymore, and i don’t know his reasons for disappearing. was it because of me? bad timing? someone else? did i upset or offend him? did i scare him off? did his disappearance have nothing to do with me? i’ll never know because i only knew him for a few months, wanted to know him better, and didn’t have the opportunity.
which got me thinking…how well do we ever know anybody and how long does it take to truly know someone? what if they lie to you about who and how they are, can you ever know a liar? what if you truly know someone for a while but then they change and you don’t notice or they don’t share with you about what is changing and therefore you don’t know them anymore but you think you do because you don’t have any reason to believe that they are different except that we’re always changing, which means we’re always different, which is why it is necessary to remain curiously open to and interested in one another. (that last sentence began as a question that answered itself, which is how it usually goes with questions if you listen deeply to what follows, because most of the time we have the answers to our questions, we just don’t know it yet.)