confessions from duluth, minnesota

confession: walking, running, and dancing in the rain make me giddy. i did these first thing after waking yesterday.

confession: i sleep better near the water. this week my king-size down-comforter egyptian-thread sheet ensconced hotel bed sits less than 200 meters from the bank of lake superior.

confession: while walking along the lake’s rocky edge after sunset last night, dry cottony fog reached above me into the high street lamps two blocks away, diffusing and refracting their light into rainbow fairy rings. i’ve seen street lights transform into prismatic fairy-ringed rainbows many times before, but only with the assistance of hallucinogens. this time i was sober. duluth’s fog is that trippy on its own.

confession: hot roast beef and cheddar on kaiser rolls from the deli every lunch and dinner melty-sloppy-tempt me in a way that guarantees i’m sinning.

confession: i’m perfectly content here. i want to stay, rent a room, get a library card–at least until the first frost. last night and again this morning i priced flights to return later, and then too quickly i disregarded this revised plan as fantasy. i could stay here alone and be happy for a while, but staying would mean not returning to the people waiting for me, the ones i promised i would come home, assuring them that i’d stay home for a while once this trip ended.

confession: i pluck roses from public rose gardens when no one is looking. i take only a single bloom, knowing it is wrong and selfish of me to do, because if more people did it, there would be no roses left on the bushes for people to sniff and admire. i do it anyway. i love garden roses but i’m unimpressed by the long-stemmed florist variety. my grandmother grew roses and tasked me with cutting a few blooms twice a week for her dinner table. i pluck them from that habit, in memory of her, even though she would be appalled by my behavior. i don’t know why i don’t feel guilty for it, when i feel guilty for other things that are neither wrong or selfish (like not being the daughter my mother wanted me to be, not being a lawyer or straight or conventionally married with biological children). i won’t stop plucking rose blooms, even though i know it is wrong and selfish.

confession: i keep quitting and returning to diet coke like smokers i know who continually quit and pick it back up. this week i’m drinking it. next week i’ll quit again.



About angel joy

love is an action verb. i live love in action.
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2 Responses to confessions from duluth, minnesota

  1. Teresa says:

    Perfect description of the magic that is Duluth. I’m so glad that you’re there and experiencing it. I can’t wait to go in Sept/Oct when it is cool and the leaves are beautiful shades of red, orange, yellow and sometimes purple. Have the BEST TIME!!! 🙂 Love you to the moon and back! XO!

  2. Unsinkable says:

    Confession: I need change but don’t know where to start. I’m sick of my day to day yet I can’t seem to find the motivation to change a damn thing about it.

    Confession: I miss my best friend. I feel like I’m losing her to her new love and new friends.

    Confession: I’ve not been a good friend to another best friend because of my love for the best friend I previously mentioned. That’s confusing, huh? I’m trying to make plans to get back to basics with this other person without completely losing the other. Balance is hard for me. I’m kind of an all or nothing sort of person which is a blessing and a curse.

    Confession: I still have a boyfriend. I’m slowly liking him more and more. I still have my doubts though. I don’t know how long term he’ll be or won’t be. I’m trying to live in the moment and enjoy him for who he is right now instead of who he might be down the road.

    Confession: I’m miserable in my current job. Even though I love it and make a fair amount of money doing it, I’m still not happy there. I don’t know what else on this Earth I could be or should be doing. I’m waiting for a sign.

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