confessions from madrid

confession: every city in europe that is not paris makes me long for paris. i arrive in paris on saturday. my best friend will meet me there, squeeze me for hours, do the hokey pokey with me, and kiss me at midnight.

confession: madrid has been weakly redeemed, but i’m neither impressed nor inspired to return again in the future.
 
confession: i prefer eating dinner purchased from a street vendor while leaning against an alley wall to dining by candlelight on gourmet fare in a five star restaurant.
 
confession: i’m a cat person who smiles widely at dogs.
 
confession: i arrogantly mistake myself as a snake charmer while the snake hypnotizes me.
 
confession: sometimes i allow myself to free-fall into the abyss to see if it is, in fact, bottomless. i haven’t reached the bottom yet.
 
confession: i miss my friends. i spent too much of 2011 withdrawn in my darkness and too little time shadow dancing beneath starlight with my friends.
 
confession: in 2011 i lost relationships i thought were impossible to lose. i lost sureness about myself, qualities i’d never doubted, ways of being that i believed were fundamental for me. the losses have dismantled my life as i knew it. my body trembles in response to this year’s tremors. i’m doing my best to keep my heart soft, open, and vulnerable while lost, hurting, and confused.
 
confession: i’m getting better at goodbyes, but my hellos are becoming quieter, more reticent, halting in my throat, swallowed in a wad of spit.

 

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About angel joy

love is an action verb. i live love in action.
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One Response to confessions from madrid

  1. Unsinkable says:

    Confession: I’m really happy that 2011 is almost behind me. It has been a tough year but a life changing one at that.
    Confession: This year I had 6 sexual partners. I’m pretty sure that is the fewest number since I became sexually active when I was 19.
    Confession: One of those partners is THE one. Them be big words.
    Confession: In the past few months, I’ve changed a lot. I’ve stayed in more, cooked more meals at home and drank more wine than beer.
    Confession: This upcoming year will be the most life changing one by far and I couldn’t be more excited. Wedding bells perhaps? Never know!

    Love to you and know that even though I don’t see you nearly as much as I’d like, I know I’m in your thoughts and you know you’re in mine. You’re loved. A LOT. Hugs and Kisses, Sweet One.

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