confession: if i could relive the past 16 hours, i’d make different choices. it is in self-judging, regretful moments like these that i have the most difficulty accepting myself as i am, “accepting life on life’s terms” in 12-step-speak, and accepting the wounds and limitations that tempt us to treat each other harshly when we most need tenderness.
confession: i’m listening to kate rusby, an english folk singer who is the same age as i am, who sings sad songs with simple melodies, and i’m sitting in the sadness that has swollen my eyes with tears for the past week.
confession: i wish, i wish, i wish for so many things to be different and i wish, i wish, i wish for some things to be the way they used to be. i know better. i know the past is over. i know to move forward. i know to put one foot in front of the other, to pick myself up when i stumble, to keep stumbling forward. i know what to do. i know how to do it. but i often doubt my strength and stamina. there is a proverb indicating that we don’t know how strong we are until we have to exceed our own limits. i’ve become painfully aware of my physical and emotional limits in the past week.
confession: the gift of recognizing my limits is humility.
confession: if a genie appeared to me, offering to grant me three wishes, i’d wish three things for three other people. i wouldn’t waste the wishes on myself. i do plenty of non-genie wishing for myself. if real magic appeared, i’d share it with others.
confession: if a genie appeared to me, offering to grant me three wishes and insisted that my wishes had to be for myself, i’d wish for enlightenment, the kind of enlightenment that uplifts those around me; i’d wish for unconditional love, the kind of love that heals people with a smile; i’d wish for peace, the kind of peace that radiates outward, inspiring others to breathe deeply, drop their defenses, and interact kindly with each other.
confession: a woman named slyvia that i’ll probably never see again helped save my life today. i didn’t have an opportunity to thank her. angels appear in my life when i need them. slyvia showed up as an angel for me. slyvia saved me with her honesty. slyvia saved me with her authenticity. slyvia saved me with her humility. the best ways i can honor slyvia and her gifts to me are to extend my own honesty, authenticity, and humility with others. you being you helps heal me. me being me heals me, too.
angel joy's musings 