a new world

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”
Anaïs Nin

i have a new friend. she is someone i’ve known socially for many years and we’ve been “facebook friends” for a long time, but now we are real friends. i’m extremely selective when choosing a new friend because i know my heart. my heart loves instantly with a devotion that outlives our life expectancy. my friends are the family i choose and i love them across time and space and lifetimes. with this new friend, as with every new friend, i am discovering a new world within me. through her self-descriptions and explanations of her behavior, i understand myself and the world in a new way. she challenges me. she directly, overtly presents me with challenges. for example, at the end of our last meeting, she challenged me with something both appropriate and relevant to my current growth opportunities, but i can’t remember what she asked of me. my inability to remember indicates the radical perfectness of the challenge and my unconscious resistance to undertake it. i somewhat remember what i said in response to her challenge, something i didn’t accurately convey with flawed projections embedded in my rambling. i’ve been trying to remember for four days what my challenge is, and i only recall a smattering of my faltering half-response. maybe she remembers. i haven’t asked her. i’m challenging myself to remember. i suspect that my interpretation of the challenge had something to do with receiving. i need more practice receiving. i come up with wild rationalizations and far-out justifications of ways i claim to receive, but the truth is that i’m afraid to receive. i’m afraid of getting what i’ve always wanted and needed. i’ve lived without my needs and desires fulfilled for most of my life. going without feels familiar. receiving feels risky. yet, i’m a risk-taker. i like the challenge of becoming more, learning more, giving more, and receiving more than i have in the past. my new friend is opening a new world to me and within me. i gratefully accept the challenges presented in this new world, including the one i can’t quite remember.

 

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About angel joy

love is an action verb. i live love in action.
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