short lists

i’m sitting cross-legged on the couch with my favorite fuzzy purple blanket across my lap (because the air conditioning is blasting as i pretend that fall has arrived and today’s high temperature isn’t going to hit 90 degrees). a goblet of diet coke regally presents itself on the end table to my left. (yes, a goblet. i buy second-hand goblets at thrift stores and use them each day to promote feelings of queenliness.) i’m naked beneath the purple fuzzy blanket because i don’t have to wear clothes at home. (if you are at home, why are you wearing clothes?) i’ve got the residual headachey fatigue of the flu, but i’m fever-free and generally happy to be alive. however…(my life periodically erupts in pock-marking howevers), i’m mind-twisting a list of questions i’d like answered before monday, before my birthday, before i turn 39.

1. why do i care about my age? (i’d rather be a person who forgets how old i am and has to arithmetically calculate my age between the current calendar year and 1973. i’d also rather be one of those people who didn’t care about celebrating birthdays or incessantly telling everyone that my birthday is approaching.)
2. how do i become the person i claim i’d rather be?

it’s a short list. i typed many more questions, but once they appeared on the computer screen, i knew the answers, and therefore i deleted them from the list. then other short lists automatically arose.

things i’d like to pay more attention to in the next few days and for the following year:
my health, art, color, light, angels masquerading as friends and helpful strangers

things i’d like to forget in the next few days and for the following year:
fear, insecurity, past mistakes, old limitations

in the next few days and for the following year:
i’d like to feel more grateful for lessons learned, experience gained, love given and love received.
i’d like to give away more hugs, face-stretching wrinkle-creating smiles, shiny sparkles, glittering magic, and wishes granted.
i’d like to receive more gentleness, tenderness, and compassionate understanding.
i’d like to experience more silence, trust, and miracles.
i’d like to open to more possibilities, opportunities, and synchronistic synergy.
i’d like to risk gushing my full sappy spontaneous tears, wild hand-clapping butt-wiggling enthusiasm, and long-exhaling deeply releasing sighs.


About angel joy

love is an action verb. i live love in action.
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One Response to short lists

  1. renee says:

    I am that person who forgets about birthdays. My own and everyone else’s. I have also had to calculate back from 1973 to remember how old I am. I’ll tell you honestly that there is an upside to this and a downside. The upside is that I don’t worry or care that much about birthdays and ageing. The downside is that I come off as a bad friend (sister, daughter) to those whose birthdays I almost always forget or remember too late, but luckily those who love me forgive this about me every year. Just be who you are and don’t worry about wishing you were a different way. Acceptance is the key. And if you accept yourself, inevitably those who love you will accept you too. If they don’t accept you, then you can let them go and spend time with those who do. It’s ok to occasionally wish you were different than you are as long as you come back full circle to remind yourself how fabulous you already are. And you ARE fabulous. Just so you know…

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