confession: i’m writing this blog post while therapy-high because emdr (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing; if interested, emdr.org) is rewiring my brain and i’m feeling hopeful and optimistic about my mental and emotional health and the expanding possibilities available for my present and future.
confession: i have a new friend. more accurately, she is a friend from middle school who has synchronistically returned to my life bringing bountiful gifts. i’ve spent oodles of time with her in the past week. her re-entry into my world marks a shift in my perception, awareness, and readiness to go higher, choose differently, and live more brightly. she shows me how to live in ways that i’ve always wanted to manifest but didn’t believe were sustainable in this world. she models who i can be for others by living her own life as a shiny example. i’m in-friend-love with her. i love loving her and loving myself better as i learn from her.
confession: last night my new friend and i spontaneously met late and stayed out all night, living the 39-year-old version of how our 17-year-old selves would have partied. we had epic fun. i moonwalked…in cowboy boots…poorly, but to decent reviews from the gallery of admiring witnesses.
confession: on monday night i texted the ex-wife. i didn’t question whether or not i ought to have sent the text until the next day. the text i sent her was typed and delivered without censoring. she didn’t respond. that’s okay. i’m not beating myself up for texting her. i’m grateful that i didn’t censor myself or withhold that loving expression.
confession: i miss having a woman in my life to romantically pamper and shower with symbols of affection. the recipient of my in-friend-love and i agreed that i have permission to platonically romance her to sickeningly sweet extremes.
confession: last night a wise woman shared advice someone handed her that i wish i would have known and applied last year–if you grew up in an abusive family and you meet someone you feel like you’ve known forever, then run as fast as you can in the opposite direction. if you feel like you’ve known someone forever, then likely they are someone who shares the characteristics and qualities of your childhood abuser. get the fuck away from them. more than a year later, i’m finally free of the one who reminds me of my father. i am free. i am free. i am free. next time i feel like i’ve known someone forever, i’ll set a new world record for fastest sprint.
confession: i’m falling in-friend-love with myself. i love who i am as a friend to others. i’m beginning to treat myself with equal kindness, generosity, compassion, playfulness, and encouragement i give to my friends. i’m falling in-friend-love with my quirky weirdness and flirty tics and spastic joy. looking at myself from the outside, i’d be my first choice as a friend.