scary dreams

“If your dreams do not scare you they are not big enough.”
–Ellen Johnson Sirleaf

my dreams had become too small. my dreams shrank and strangled me. my dreams selected a specific person who presented me with a poisoned apple. my dreams stuffed me into cracks and crevices of who i used to be and split my guts sideways in a slow shallow bleed. my heart flushes tears out my eyes, pulling poison from my system, because my dreams had sickened me. those dreams didn’t scare me; they held me under a repeating nightmare that had become predictably scary-only-by-habit, not scary-by-unknowable-mystery. i dropped those dreams yesterday. i walked out of that series of dreams and closed the door behind me. i’ve wanted to leave the recurring nightmare for many months, for many years, for as far back as i can remember. i tried waking from that dream many times. i thought i had succeeded, but then a dark night would reveal my return and i was pushed under again. i desire deep internal intrigue. the outside world doesn’t thrill me. tastes and tests and sights and sounds blur into the background as i crawl into the caves inside of me, light a candle, and study symbolic sketches, paintings, and carvings on the walls.

i hear an echoed calling in these internal caves to dream bigger dreams. i am asked to dream actions that scare me awake, propel me forward, and inspire me to grow beyond what i’ve known and who i’ve been. i’m ready to answer that call. a new dream waits in the shadows cast by candlelight in these caves. i step closer and look into the shadows for a dream that scares me into imagining once impossible possibilities. a new dream is calling you. i hear the echoes of your dream through the cave walls, where my soul and yours meet in the mysterious all-encompassing middle.


About angel joy

love is an action verb. i live love in action.
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