small secret

i talked to you in my head today. we talked for hours about old stories and new. you told me about how you used to climb the plum tree in your grandma’s backyard. the tree seemed big when you climbed it. you realized when you grew up that plum trees are tiny, but you were tinier. i feel tiny today. i used to feel big. i felt bigger than everyone i knew but not anymore. the night feels bigger than me. i remember years when i believed i was bigger than the night and the night is bigger than the day and the day couldn’t hold as much as the night because the day held people’s waking lives but the night held people’s secret dreams and secrets are bigger than what we can see. i felt bigger than all the secrets in the world. now i feel small enough to fit inside a single secret within a flash of a daydream. i’m not sure what is real and what i’ve imagined, if you are real or if i imagined you. i remember you. you were real in my past but in my present i can only imagine you. when i talk to you in my head, can you hear me? the answers you give, are they yours or are they words i assign to you? are you and i the same? are we connected? are we one? can you hear me?

i miss you when i believe you are gone. i walk with you each day when my heart converses with yours.

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About angel joy

love is an action verb. i live love in action.
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