the wise grandmother that sits on the board of directors inside my head visited me today. she appeared with fairy godmother splendor, sprinkling fairy dust, floating above my left shoulder, asking me questions.
wise grandmother: how fast are you gonna let it in?
me: let what in?
wise grandmother: what you want.
me: i don’t know what you’re talking about.
wise grandmother: yes, you do. everything you want.
me: you mean enlightenment?
wise grandmother: you already know how to be enlightened, you’re just too stubborn to let what isn’t enlightened fall away.
me: am not.
wise grandmother: mmm-hmmm.
longer pause, because i’m stubborn.
me: okay, fine. whatever. i know how.
wise grandmother: that’s not why i’m here. i’m here to ask you how fast you’re gonna let it in.
me: i’m still not sure what we’re talking about.
wise grandmother: (instantaneously accompanied by a karaoke machine as she sings) all you need is love…
me: oh, that.
wiseass granny: yeah, that.
me: i’m thinking about it. wise grandmother: i know you’re thinking about it. that’s why i’m here. what are you waiting for? why are you procrastinating love? how fast are you gonna let it in?
me: not yet.
wise grandmother: why not now?
me: because love gets caught in my throat and i choke.
wise grandmother: that’s not love in your throat. that’s fear. cough it up. get it out. let the love in.
me: it hurts to cough. my throat is sore. coughing hurts more.
wise grandmother: coughing hurts more than choking?
me: (ignoring the question) i’m afraid of the pain.
wise grandmother: love doesn’t hurt.
me: it has before.
wise grandmother: if it hurt, then it wasn’t love. love doesn’t hurt. fear hurts. disappointment hurts. rejection hurts. abandonment hurts. love doesn’t hurt.
me: my throat hurts.
wise grandmother: cough.
me: not yet.
wise grandmother: stop suffering. cough up fear. take a breath. let in the love.