confessions on the last day of may

confession: the foods i crave never taste as good as i make believe that they do and most of them hurt my guts to eat. 

confession: the exception to the above confession is mango. a mango tastes sweeter and thicker and yummier than i remember each time i eat one, and they don’t make my guts hurt, but they make my lips and eyelids swell. 

confession: my dead kitty is gone. three weeks after her death, remembering that she isn’t here each day stops me for a few moments and i have to remind myself to breathe. 

confession: last weekend i was in california loving on my nieces and spending a few hours at the ocean’s edge. for twenty years i’ve thought i’d like to live in san francisco. not anymore. i’d like to live closer to my nieces. i’d like to live at the ocean’s edge. but i do not want to live in san francisco. for the moment, i’m grateful to live in land-locked austin with my three best friends. 

confession: there are people i sincerely want to spend time with that i don’t make time for because as much as i want to see them, i want to spend time alone, go out alone, read a book alone in bed more than i want to see anybody or do anything with someone else. 

confession: barbecue. one of the top five reasons my body revolts at the idea of becoming a vegetarian is barbecue, specifically lean brisket. 

confession: most of my acquaintances expect that i am a vegetarian, because half the time i eat like one. i love vegetables. but if you insist that i choose between a platter of broccoli or a pulled pork sandwich, i’m picking pig, even though i know pigs are smarter than dogs, and i feel guilty for that, but not guilty enough to eat tempeh as my primary source of protein. 

confession: i’m confessing about food because i’m hungry and there isn’t anything at home I want to eat. the fridge is full of food. the freezer is full of food. the pantry is full of food. but none of that food appeals to me. food doesn’t appeal to me today, but i’m getting hungrier and hungrier. 

confession: i’m free. i told the truth and it set me free and that’s why some clichés are clichés, because they are true. 

confession: the first eight confessions were stalling to get to ninth one. please set yourself free today. tell the truth you’ve been ignoring or denying or covering up. tell the truth. be free.

 

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About angel joy

love is an action verb. i live love in action.
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