10 things i wish i’d said to 10 different people in the past 5 days:
1. unless you’re bringing me that beer you never bought for me, please don’t approach me.
2. we spent a few weeks together five years ago, get over it. and by the way, i know about the crass blog where you discuss banging the unfortunates who entangle with you. i wish you were more mature and more discreet. also, a couple years ago you made some inappropriate comments about me to someone who matters to me, which was hurtful and tacky. you owe me an apology. you owe him an apology, too, for having to endure your crudeness.
3. i’m smiling like this because it makes you uncomfortable. it amuses me that my jubilance makes you suspicious. because i’m a little mean, your discomfort adds to my naughty joy.
4. i love when you touch me. please keep touching me.
5. would you like to dance?
6. do you feel like drinking whisky and playing dominos this afternoon?
7. thank you.
8. shut up.
9. after everything, even now, my impulse is still to buy everything good in doubles, one for me and one for you.
10. may i have another?