confession: you know those angry letters that self-help books and therapists encourage you to write to help discharge negative emotions and then burn them instead of send them? yeah, well…i just sent one instead of burning it.
confession: during the past couple years i missed opportunities to spend time with kind people who love me because i was involved with a violent raging jerk. those missed opportunities are my biggest regrets. that’s one lesson i can’t afford to forget or repeat.
confession: i’m learning to honor my anger as a signal of broken boundaries.
confession: growing up in church, one of my favorite words was “trespass.” i’ll get around to forgiving those who have “trespassed against me” once i’ve learned how to better protect my boundaries.
confession: i’m playing with the paradox of living with my heart wide open while strengthening healthy boundaries.
confession: yesterday i gave a pep talk to my reflection in the mirror. during the pep talk i realized that i feel strong again, strong inside me, stronger than i’ve ever been.
confession: a few nights ago, i felt an unexpected sting, a sting i didn’t think would affect me since the sting came in response to a relationship that is over, a relationship i’m grateful is over, a relationship i don’t miss at all. this person has replaced me with another, and even though i don’t want to be that person’s other, ouch, it stung to hear, to see, to witness. i spent a couple days pondering why it stung. i don’t care that he has another. the sting comes from the hurts that i pretended didn’t hurt when we were together, from unexpressed hurt feelings, from unmet (and often unacknowledged) needs and desires. in response to that sting and its source, i wrote an email to someone else, someone i love very much, someone who recently hurt my feelings. i was afraid to tell her, afraid that my hurt feelings would make her feel bad and afraid of how much my feelings were hurt. i cried many scared tears as i wrote the email and cried again when i read her response. she responded lovingly, with an apology, with a request for forgiveness and an opportunity for reparation. yes, of course, i can forgive her instantly. now i’m challenged to consider and ask for what i’d like to receive, what my heart truly desires, because she is willing and wanting to give that to me.
confession: booty shorts. i keep trying to convince myself that “at my age” understated dressing is sexier. but i love wearing short-shorts and micro-skirts. and the weather just turned warm enough to wear them for a couple days. booty shorts in december. yes, please.