sidewalk confessions

confession: i had a moment of clarity standing next to my car at 2:30am with a friend last night. he listened while i searched for words to sort out what i feel. i’m grateful for friends who will stand on the sidewalk with me late at night (or anytime of the day) and listen.

confession: while dancing, my arms around you and your arms around me feel completely different than my arms around you and your arms around me when we aren’t dancing.

confession: biting. i love to bite.

confession: i knew i wasn’t going to receive what i wanted from him, so i let him go. just like that. letting go is easier and easier, because settling for less than i want is something i’m unwilling to do.

confession: how does one ask someone on a non-romantic date? a date that is a date because it is an event, something magically fun, and i’m gonna love on you and sit right up against you and probably hold your hand and look adoringly at you, but a non-romantic date, because i’m not trying to fuck you, don’t want to fuck you, am never gonna fuck you.

confession: because i don’t know how to solve the above quandary, i’m missing out on a lot of fun that could be had. (and by the way, i’ve found that directly telling someone “i’m not trying to fuck you, don’t want to fuck you, am never gonna fuck you” does NOT work. the person hearing that declaration either thinks i’m overstating by protesting too much or considers the statement a challenge.)

confession: independent of age, i’m uninspired by boys. i like men. (i still like girls, though.)

confession: i want to be tantalized by your mind.

confession: a bigger bed. upgrading from queen to king this weekend.

confession: if you were here, in my living room, we’d sit on the floor across from one another, i’d look into your eyes, you’d look into mine, and we’d hold that gaze, even though it is uncomfortable at first. we’d hold that gaze until it was no longer uncomfortable. we’d hold that gaze until we began to truly see each other. i’d look at you. you’d look at me. we would see what is real, present, and alive. your heart would connect with mine. my soul would join yours. and for those moments we would be each other’s whole world.

 

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About angel joy

love is an action verb. i live love in action.
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