my alarm blared at 4am so that i could be at their place before 5am to take them to the airport for an early morning flight. i wore the fiercely pink t-shirt she gave me for my birthday last week with my fuchsia loafers that i bought to mock myself and my 1970’s childhood memory of my mother. her ex-girlfriend looked at my shoes and tried to conceal her disdain when she said “they look comfortable” but meant “damn, those are ugly.” i responded with my three-hours-of-sleep bubbliness, “yes. plus, they’re brightly colorful and remind me to feel grateful that i’m alive” while i tried to conceal my internal dialogue that spouted “sweetheart, my ass is here before 5am to take your ass to the airport to lead an effin’ women’s spiritual retreat, so do you think you could tone down your judgments and practice equanimity (if grace and acceptance are too challenging) since you claim to role model those qualities for others?”
her ex-girlfriend sat in the backseat. she and i sat in front. i told the story about getting cut-off from red bull at the music festival last weekend (but not cut-off from vodka, although i quit drinking vodka after my red bull cut-off because vodka is no fun without red bull). her ex-girlfriend didn’t know what red bull was. (clearly she’s too spiritual to drink or even know about energy drinks.) she explained to her ex-girlfriend about red bull, equating it to liquid crank (because they have the same effect on me) and her ex-girlfriend proclaimed the awfulness of both without having tried either crank or red bull.
here’s the deal people, if you’re so frickin’ spiritual, why are you threatened by fuchsia loafers and energy drinks? i appreciate that people have preferences for their own choices, behaviors, and desires. likewise, please honor mine. i love flying high on red bull at a music festival. why the fuck not? it’s a music festival for big bird’s sake. also, when a smiling someone arrives at your doorstep two and a half hours before sunrise to take you to the airport, maybe you could open your cranky heart to receive the vitalizing joy in the one who shows up to make your life easier.