i love sticking a cotton swab in my ear and twirling it around, pressing into the sides of my ear tunnel, pushing the swab deeper than any health professional would endorse. after my non-erotic ear cleaning orgasm this morning i wondered if anyone in the world enjoys cotton swabbing one’s ear hole as much as i do and then i scolded myself for being ego-centric, thinking i am the only one whose ear hole pleasure exceeds all other people’s ear cleaning pleasure and i then i thought no, wait, really, i love cleaning the insides of my ears and if other people generally love that action as i do why do they never speak of it? i’ve rarely cleaned my ears in front of another person (exclusively in the presence of a trusted lover) because while the cotton swab is inserted in my ear i close my eyes and make the orgasm face that men make when they come. incidentally, women think but rarely admit that men look hilarious when they blow their wad. men often choose to enter a woman from behind because they prefer the rear view. guess what guys? women sometimes prefer a backside entry so that we don’t have to suppress a fit of giggles when watching your face as you orgasm. i conscientiously protect the innocent from my ear-cleaning come face.
since i presume i derive more ear-swabbing pleasure than most people (possibly more than anyone i’ll encounter) i wonder what others enjoy that i’m underappreciating. food preparation immediately comes to mind, because i’d rather not cook. i squeeze my lips shut when people speak with disdain about microwaves (or with pride for not owning one). microwaving is my go-to version of cooking. if a food takes more than a minute and a half to cook in the microwave i’m probably gonna eat it cold or skip that food choice. i use my oven to store overflow books because i have too many books for my multiple bookshelves. ovens make handy spare bookshelves if you prefer reading to cooking.
my beer drinking coach has invested years helping me to appreciate india pale ales. it is to his credit that i can focus my taste buds on the floral bouquet preceding the bitter finish of an i.p.a. while drinking half a pint without making eight-year-old-child-eating-broccoli face. soon i’ll introduce him to my secret world of ear-cleaning-induced orgasms.
there must be other things i’m not sufficiently valuing and if you feel inclined, please share your specific pleasures. i highly recommend getting a cotton swab and gently coaxing your ear canal to climax at your earliest opportunity.