confession: yesterday i bought a box of little debbie oatmeal creme pies because i had walked ten miles exploring my new city and i was craving junk food and little debbie pies are individually wrapped which makes them safer for my eating disordered self to avoid bingeing on them but after eating one i had to get rid of the other 11 pies in the box so that i wouldn’t eat a second (and third) pie and growing up hungry forbids me from throwing away food (even though little debbie oatmeal creme pies aren’t proper “food”) so i offered a pie to every homeless person i passed with an outstretched hand, each person taking a pie without recognizing at first what i was giving, each one smiling hugely at me upon recognition, each one exclaiming “oatmeal pie!” yesterday was a very good day made better by giving away oatmeal pies.
confession: today is also a very good day. today is my favorite kind of rainy in philadelphia. i slept seven hours and woke up alone in an apartment to a meowing cat that abhors closed bedroom doors, i found chocolate that i had hidden from myself in april when i was here. sweet loving text messages were waiting for me when i checked my phone. the internet works today (it didn’t work earlier this week). my arms and legs and fingers and feet and brain and eyes and ears and heart and lungs and liver and single kidney work today. today is a very good day.
confession: i snuck an extra week in austin. i delayed my arrival into philadelphia. i’ve only been here since sunday (which means i’m on day five in my new residence) and already i miss things about austin but the list of things i miss is shorter than the list of new discoveries that i love about philadelphia and as long as i stay a few steps ahead with things i love in advance of things i miss then moving here feels like the best choice i could make.
confession: honeysuckle smells sweeter in philadelphia but the fireflies are bigger and more plentiful in austin.
confession: on tuesday night i scouted a bar with salsa dancing. this weekend i’ll unpack my fanciest boots and a sexy dress for dancing next tuesday night.
confession: when i say “thank you” to a cashier or restaurant server or door person or train conductor my “thank you” always comes out as “thanks, darlin’.” i can’t shake the darlin’ habit. i’ve surrendered to carrying it forward.
confession: i miss y’all. i miss hugging each of you. i don’t give or receive nearly as many hugs in philadelphia. philadelphians live closer together in denser population than austinites but touch each other less, requiring more personal space.