confession: in march when i lived in central texas and the weather had already turned warm enough to require 24-hour air conditioning, i panicked because i abhor the heat and moving to philadelphia had been decided but didn’t yet feel real. during the first week of march i booked several trips to the mountains for june, july, and august. i’ve spent more weeks away from philadelphia than in philadelphia since i’ve moved here.
confession: i have a pennslyvania driver’s license now. when i applied for my pennslyvania driver’s license, the state of pennslyvania took my texas driver’s license and punched the word “void” through it. more than anything, my voided texas driver’s license and my official pennslyvania driver’s license legitimize my major life decision to relocate somewhere that better suits me.
confession: people more than places feel like home to me.
confession: when people who used to feel like home no longer feel like home, that’s when i feel most displaced in the world.
confession: some losses don’t heal. some losses grow bigger over time.
confession: i hate roadtrips. i know you claim to love them. i know you fantasize about driving miles and miles across the country. i also know that once you’re on the road you complain about other drivers, traffic stresses your nerves, road construction irks you, and you experience physical pain when you can’t find food or a toilet when you need them. i prefer getting on a plane and renting a car where i land, thank you very much.
confession: kiss me because you desire me, not because you want to console me. my sadness can’t be kissed away. my sadness can’t be fucked away either, but at least that’ll make me forget for a bit and encourage me to feel like a capable grown-up instead of a helpless child.
confession: my favorite reason for living in philadelphia is something that some might deem politically incorrect to say, but i’m gonna tell you anyway. black people and white people live together in the same neighborhoods and aren’t afraid of each other. gay people don’t worry about harassment for holding hands. i feel more at ease in philadelphia than i ever felt living in a town in texas that thought it was progressive because it compared itself to the rest of texas and not because it was actually progressive relative to equality, fear, and bigotry.
confession: i don’t miss living in texas. i profoundly miss some people who live there.
confession: if i told you what i really thought, would you listen? would you seek to understand? or would you rather debate, argue, and tell me why i’m wrong?
confession: for 42 years i’ve avoided being a member of a band…until this week. we’re gonna be famous or unheard of or something in-between because we’ve formed this band to celebrate music, absurdity, and story-telling. ugly stuff in life can sound pretty when you sing about it with someone you love.