confession: i lasted 22 minutes in church yesterday before i bailed. i ordered a drive-thru biscuit on the way home. i wonder which of these you find more surprising. it could be either, depending on the context of our acquaintance.
confession: the church i attended yesterday is a creedless one that welcomes atheists, pagans, queers, and every variety of judeo-christian-islamic. still, i didn’t fit in. i didn’t belong there. but for 22 minutes i meditated in soothing warm light pouring through stained glass before i stood up and quietly exited.
confession: a week and a half ago i almost ended a relationship over half a biscuit. picking up a drive-thru biscuit after leaving church was an act of redemption.
confession: last night i sat across from someone whose heart is breaking open. her breaking open is more graceful than mine has ever been. witnessing her process, i soften toward myself. i’m learning by her example.
confession: every time i see her she gives me something that belonged to her children who died. she trusts me to create something that honors the grief of losing them while transforming the symbol into a joyful sharing of their spirits.
confession: my nothing is beginning to feel more like something.
confession: if we accept the premise that our desires are guideposts to setting goals that we are meant to achieve, then i commit to spending thousands of hours over the next decade writing bad poetry that alchemizes into something beautiful. the poems i write might never be beautiful, but inside me something thins to translucence when i put words near it. and maybe, just maybe, i can write a decent haiku every once in a while…
i ate chicken soup
the night he lay dying
two thousand miles away
confession: every year i choose a new quality as a focal point for that year. experience indicates that three years are required to integrate each new quality i choose…which means i’m actually working three themes each year. regardless of when, why, or how i forgot that passion was my focal quality for 2014, i remember now, and now isn’t too late.
confession: papi said to me this morning, “i’m going to heal my mind, i’m going to heal my body, and i’m gonna get buff like ben affleck.” i countered with the only reasonable response, “me, too.”