i hate when the title of an article misleads about its content. the moment after i have a thought which orients itself around the verb “hate” i stop and ask myself, “darlin’, why are ya hatin’ and what’re ya projectin’?” (when i speak gently to myself my internal voice takes on its southernmost drawl.) i don’t hate for real except as temporarily inverted love when i’m hurtin’ hard from a betrayal of my already cautious trust, but i slip lazily into claiming hate i don’t feel on a daily basis. i refer to irritation, frustration, dislike, annoyance, and fear as hate when i’m inaccurately using my words…which is close enough to qualify for my projection of hate onto an article’s mismatched title and content. if i click on an article with a title proclaiming a natural cure for cancer or ptsd healing benefits of hallucinogens or the best stock market picks for the fiscal quarter, i want what’s advertised, but those articles’ titles rarely fulfill their claims.
where am i living below my proclaimed intentions? pretty much everywhere. i fail everyday. for example, on sunday i had the opportunity to act with grace and extend love but instead i pretended I didn’t see her. that same day in that same setting a bright shining spirit approached me offering the gift of affirmation and appreciation for my writing. it was a pleasure to reciprocate with the compliment i think every time i am in the same room with her. it’s easy to love when love shows up loving me. i want to choose love when love requires me to release my grievances and align with my highest intentions. i want to choose love when irritation, frustration, dislike, annoyance, and fear trip through me. i want to love because loving contributes to the creation of a world i want to live in. i want to choose each loving thought, each loving word, each loving action aligned with a step toward my goal of enlightenment.
i failed to communicate lovingly last friday when i didn’t ask clearly and directly for what i wanted and needed. i failed to express my gratitude last saturday when i sneaked to my car without saying thank you and goodbye. sunday’s failure was previously noted. i failed on monday and tuesday when i kept silent instead of speaking my truth. yup, i fail every day to love the way my heart longs to and every day i wake up trying and failing again. while practicing loving everyone each day, through my failures i imperfectly practice self-love, self-acceptance, and forgiveness when my thoughts, words, and actions don’t match my intentions.
we keep showing up and we keep trying. we repeat our daily practice of compassion, forgiveness, and acceptance with ourselves and with each other in order to create a loving world. we keep practicing, failing, trying again. thank you for every moment of your love in action. thank you for every failed attempt forgiven, accepted, owned, and learned from. thank you for your loving thoughts. thank you for your loving words. thank you especially for the loving thoughts, words, and actions you direct toward yourself because for most of us, self-love is the most challenging to give. thank you for being, doing, acting your best each day. i Iove you. thank you for committing to your imperfect practice paralleling mine.