lingerie = wrapping paper

confession: i love buying and wrapping presents for other people’s birthdays. angel sister’s birthday is next week and this morning i brought out my collection of wrapping paper and ribbon to dress up her presents. after i wrapped everything for her, i wanted to start randomly wrapping household goods in my pantry because i longed to dive into a wrapping frenzy and lose myself in pretty paper and curly ribbon and silky bows. i internally connect wrapping presents and lingerie. lingerie is the wrapping paper and ribbon to present the gift of her body to her lover.

confession: a few weeks ago i discovered another box of forgotten lingerie because for private heartbreaking reasons i’ve only purchased and put away but not worn lingerie for the past couple years. when lingerie makes a woman cry, it’s past time to change things.

confession: first thing monday morning i called a new therapist to schedule an appointment. she offered her first available appointment on wednesday morning. instantly i decided i wasn’t available until the following week. this week i was ready to make an appointment. next week i’ll be ready to sit in her chair.

confession: the upside of seeing a new therapist is that i begin where i am now. the downside is having to detail my history with a new person once again.

confession: on sunday night i sat across from her on her couch, sharing a blanket and secrets but she didn’t know they were secrets because she’s a new friend and only knows me through my words and actions with her over the past few months. she couldn’t know what i’ve historically held close and never said. i told her secrets because she was listening. i told her secrets because i’m willing to risk vulnerability to see how close we can grow. my secrets don’t mean anything to other people; they’re not scandalous, dramatic, or harmful, but they’re mine and they occupy a different space inside me since another person knows.

confession: most of my secrets i keep secret from myself. the people closest to me know secrets about me that i can’t see due to self-protective, self-avoidant, self-inflicted blind spots.

confession: there are people i would love to love more in action if they let me. there are people who would love to love me more in action if i let them. in a venn diagram these two groups of people barely overlap, but the few who are included in the overlap are the ones offering the greatest opportunities to actualize our highest potential.







About angel joy

love is an action verb. i live love in action.
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