confession: i used to be one of those people who wrote lists of things to do every few days and completed most things while moving a few items from a nearly finished list to a newly revised list, never doing the few things that transferred from old list to new list until after a number of weeks and three times as many lists later i admitted to myself that i wasn’t going to do the few things or the time for doing them had passed and having not done them in time, doing them in the future was irrelevant. i still write lists but items rarely get transferred to a new list more than once. if i’m gonna procrastinate doing something to the point of waiting until the task becomes irrelevant, then i’m not gonna waste my list space with its entry. i make shorter lists now and everything gets done because i want to do everything i write down.
confession: i’ve designed my life around having to do very few things i don’t want to. because i don’t like doing much, i simplify my life each year by creating more time for doing nothing. doing nothing usually consists of walking next to the river in the woods for hours or lying in bed reading a book. yesterday’s doing nothing included a drive to the ocean to collect seashells in the dark with starlight shimmering off waves.
confession: four and a half months into 2017, i’m making a new year’s resolution to drive to the ocean more often.
confession: i forgot to keep my 8-day-old tattoo out of the ocean last night, but because the ocean and i having a healing pact, i’ve decided its water will heal instead of infect this magical tattoo.
confession: i met a woman in the elevator today who befriended me between the third floor and the basement and reached out to hug me as the doors opened for me to exit. she is my first stranger-to-friend instant hug i’ve received in philadelphia.
confession: i take qigong from a tiny jewish woman in her 80’s. her teacher in china died a couple months ago at the age of 109. my teacher tells us throughout class (we are only three students), “gather the earth. gather the sky. fill your heart. give your love to each other.” she knows her qigong and she’s teaching me more than qigong. she’s teaching me to move into the great unknowable mystery where i disappear and the whole universe awaits without waiting. she’s teaching me qigong that dances like ancient dragons circling infinity inside timelessly groovy tunes.
confession: i make wishes as i skip rocks and toss shells into the ocean. last night i frisbee-flung the largest shells into the farthest waves while standing at the tip of a fishing jetty and i wished for your peaceful happiness. right now i’m wishing for you to soften into the tender center of your heart to receive the gentlest peace and most spacious joy with this deep breath i’m breathing with you.
confession: i had only two things on my to do list today. i finished them before noon. i’ve been meandering within my nothingness between spurts of working all afternoon. i’m feeling slick and slippery inside my juicy luscious life.