a rainy day love letter

it has been raining in philadelphia for four days. i love the rain. i love the clouds that hide the sun so that it doesn’t wake me with its rising at 5:34am. i love staying in bed until the latest possible moment, stretching diagonally across a king size mattress unable to touch any edge. i love getting up, heating water for tea, playing merle haggard to get my first tears of the day flowing because merle’s voice is the kind of beautiful that washes my heart open with tears. i love putting my sweatshirt on inside-out because it is equally soft on both sides. i love painting my toes silver and singing david bowie with each stroke of silver on each toe because if david bowie were a color he’d be this silver toenail polish. i love shortcut ways to say i love you. i love saying your name as a way of saying i love you. i love allowing myself one guiltless can of generic diet soda a day. i love the poems that i could never write and never need to because someone else has written them. i love the poems that only i can write each night. i love that i almost send these poems to you but decide to save them for myself…at least for now, until i’m ready or you are. i love loving you more each day. i love buying presents for your birthday or for any day. i love writing love letters that arrive on the days you need them most. i love pink heart-shaped post-it notes.  i love the unknown more than i fear it. i seek the unknown each day to discover something new to instantly love or learn to love. i love that when i dream disturbing or frightening vignettes featuring my father that i get to wake up and remind myself again that he has died, he is gone, and his death liberates me to love him more gently. i love reading books that inspire me to better writing. i love that writing poetry improves my dancing. i love that every art medium informs every other art we make. i love watching badass chicks wielding swords (watch into the badlands). i love driving to maine and eating wild blueberries in acadia national park. i love weddings in brooklyn botanic garden. i love riding the train home from the city after midnight. i love throwing out the box of stuff your ex-girlfriend left behind so that you don’t have to. i love cheering you through tough times and championing your strength through challenges. i love flirting with you. i love teasing you. i love mocking you. i love when you flirt, tease, and mock me. i love lightening the heavy and brightening the dark. i love making things easier for you. i love telling you the truth even when truth-telling feels big and scary. i love doing the most good for the most people over the longest term. i love meeting you here with all the love i can give. i love receiving your love, your time, your words. i love that each day we have another opportunity to do our best. some days our best is better. some days our best is worse. but i know your heart. i know you are always doing your best and your best is always good enough, no matter what i say when i’m feeling hurt or angry or small or scared. i love you exactly as you are. thank you for being you, being here, breathing with me.


About angel joy

love is an action verb. i live love in action.
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