your tender heart

hi. i love you.

that’s how i begin the letters i write in my head to my ex.

when i quit writing paper or electronic letters to the ex (doesn’t matter which ex, it happens with all of them), i needed (needed or wanted? a common hyperbole, we over-report our wants as needs)…ahem, i wanted to stay heart-connected with the person i loved while honoring our time and space apart from one another to heal separately.

there are exes i write to in my head for years after they’ve gone.

hi. i love you.

those four words are often the entirety of the letter i write in my head to the ex because then i pick up a pen or put my hands on a keyboard and write “hi. i love you” to someone presently in my life, someone i can love in action (outside my head), someone i can reach out and connect with and ask questions and receive answers, someone who wants to receive what i want to give.

hi. i love you.

how is your tender heart today?

my heart has been stretching everyday for as many days as i can remember. i practice growing my heart large enough to hold all the world’s pain and all the world’s joy and let the joy and the pain flow in and out with my breath, let the joy and the pain stay as long as they stay and let them go whenever they go. my heart tires of practicing. i practice again each day anyway. i practice because i’ve given up the fantasy that i can escape pain. i practice because my middle name is joy. i practice because i want to love you better. most of all, i practice because i want to love you more, deeper, fuller, bigger, truer, realer.

hi. i love you more today.

please be kind and gentle with your tender heart today. i love your tender heart.

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About angel joy

love is an action verb. i live love in action.
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