confession: i started the new year grateful and inspired. i begin most new years feeling grateful and inspired but not last year. at the end of 2017 everyone i knew was glad to be done with 2016, the year when lots of famous people died and trump was elected. yeah, we were done with that year. everybody i know was glad to be done with 2017, too. i saw a meme that said, “2016–the caterpillar, 2017–the cocoon, 2018–the butterfly,” and i’m bursting into 2018 as a butterfly.
confession: my singular goal for 2018 is the same as my singular goal for my lifetime–enlightenment. the distinguishing characteristic between the 2018 goal and the lifetime goal is the immediacy of each moment of every hour is more tangible for the 2018 goal. there’s no time to dwaddle. every moment matters. my enlightenment practice is love in action. i fail in my practice during moments throughout each day. i succeed in other moments. the point is to notice the moments of failure as quickly as possible and course correct. my objective is to choose love every time i realize that i’m not acting from love. the time lapses between forgetting my practice and applying my practice are briefer, indicating progress.
confession: yesterday i contemplated my pattern of perceiving every recently passed cycle of eight years as time wasted. every 16 years, i tell myself a different narrative about the eight years before the past eight, compassionately acknowledging that i did the best i could at the time and i learned and grew from all mistakes. but in the most recent eight years i perceive my mistakes as repeated failings i could have avoided altogether or at least navigated with more grace. the main difference between eight years and sixteen years ago is the depth of my forgetting. i used to have a resilient and calculating memory. i’ve intentionally cultivated a bad memory. remembering the intensity and duration of past pain i’ve experienced and inflicted doesn’t help heal the past. i forget the pain. more love, fun, and kindness keep coming at me. i don’t need to remember yesterday’s good stuff because i feel better feeling grateful for today’s good stuff. forgetting all the stuff that happened in the past focuses my attention on what’s happening right now. if i’m in pain today, i listen gently for the pain to guide me to what is needed to alleviate it right now. if i’m feeling bright today, i give thanks for this goodness and share it with anyone who wants to multiply the light with me.
confession: yesterday was a pain day in my world. today is a bright day in my world. today is an easy day to forget yesterday.
confession: happy new year to you. i walk-hike-run-jog for two hours each day as meditation and compulsive exercise. during yesterday’s walking meditation i sent love to all y’all. i look forward to practicing love with you throughout 2018.